THE HUMAN CONNECTION PROJECT: An Introduction

THE HUMAN CONNECTION PROJECT

Primary Goal: Meet 100 strangers and perform 100 good deeds over the course of next 3 months. Good deeds could be performed with strangers, alone or the people I know.

Secondary Goal: Maintain a blog and pursue travel writing about this project. Inspire and motivate other people to do the same. If interested give them the ability to blog, write and update me and others interested in this project through this blog or other blogs. Write about the lives of strangers or experiences meeting them and write about some anecdotes they reveal.
I plan to do this over a cross country road trip across America and so plan to also blog about my travel experiences.

Participants: Anyone who wants to. My name is Rohit Chokhani and I am planning to start this in New york city, early October, 2009.

Place: Anywhere, any time and by anyone. I personally plan to pursue this project at the numerous places I visit during my road trip from Boston to Vancouver. But anyone who is interested in this project can pursue it anytime, any place and any how.

Deadline for me: Jan 15, 2010

Deadline for others: You can perform as many good deeds as you want and meet as many strangers as you want over the period of your choice. Its your wish, will and dedication. But I suggest you pursue something that you consider is easy to achieve at first. For me, I am currently on a leave of absence for the next 3 months and hence have no job or other responsibilities besides writing, traveling, visiting family. So the thought of performing one good deed and meeting one stranger a day is very easy and possible to achieve. One can always do more than what you decide but it is important to pick a goal at first as something that is easy to achieve and then push the goals and limits as one makes progress and as one gets super excited about how easy it is.

Motivation: Promote goodness and get in the habit of doing good deeds. Get in the habit of meeting new people. Get over the awkwardness of breaking the ice with strangers.

Inspiration: Got motivated after reading the book 4hour work week and watching the movies Into the Wild and Julie and Julia.

Background: After 6 hard working years of school and then corporate America, I have decided to take some personal time off, a leave of absence from work for 3 months that I much deserve. I still feel successful, passionate about my work but I feel a bit burned out and need some time on my own to connect with people, spend some time in nothingness and spend sometime with my family and loved ones. A so called mini retirement to connect with myself, my family, my friends and people that I do not know. I do plan to return back to work sometime in Jan, 2010.

I believe that whatever you pursue or want to achieve, it has to start with yourself first. And it all starts with a thought and positive reinforcing dedication which can make it happen. I plan to blog whenever I can. Considering that I am traveling, I probably won't be able to post every day but my goal is to write every day and then post at least every week about my progress. I am carrying a voice recorder, digital SLR Camera, a video camera, a laptop and a point and shoot camera with me. Wherever I go I am recording the things I did during the day. Most of this is like a travel journal about my road trip but I plan to write about the good deeds I pursue and the strangers I meet as well intermixed with my thought process and some experiences from my past that my current experiences relate to.

Things to be aware off:

Always maintain the privacy of the strangers you meet. So let them know about the project and respect their choice. If you are writing about someone who you did not get to seek permission then fake their name and identity for security reasons. Never ever reveal their true names, identity or anything else they prefer. Write, talk and blog about good deeds in a way to inspire and motivate others and never brag about it. Write about it as an experience to promote it.

Is there anything such as a selfless deed or unmotivated connection?

I don't know but I am going with it and taking it where the flow takes me.
When I thought about starting this personal project, one immediate thought that came to my mind is the following: If the good deed one makes isn't anonymous and once we start talking about it, it feels like we are bragging about it and then all of sudden we start feeling as if we are boasting or are doing it to feel good about ourselves and all of sudden we start feeling selfish. I often feel the same and would be interested in knowing as to how others feel about this. Please do write to me about this and express your thoughts.

But after some deep thoughts I told myself: Sure, doing a good deed makes me feel good about myself but the point is: it also makes others feel good, it also builds warmth between two or more human beings, it also initiates a new connection between our fellow living beings and so it would be wrong to stop doing good things just because I feel selfish about the same. One needs to feel happy to make others happy, one needs to have high energy to energize others and one needs to be positive before making others be positive. It really does has to start with you before moving on to others.

I can do my 100 good deeds for the next 3 months annonymously and sit quite about it. Sure 100 connections will be made, sure 100 good deeds will be done and sure I will feel that I am doing whatever I can to make this world a better place or just to feel good about myself. But if on the other hand, If I blog, If I write about it and if even one person other than me takes up this effort then within the same 3 months, 200 connections would be made, 200 good deeds will be done. There is only a little each of us can do and we are limited by maybe time, responsibilities and often times money but if there is a way for us to inspire and motivate huge number of people to do good things for this world then the world will hopefully be a better place. Even if some of these people land up doing things to feel good they will impact a whole bunch of people that surround them. And with the world of internet at our disposal and numerous other tools the information age has to offer, we can inspire and motivate people to do things at the tip of our fingers without investing too much time, money and without shying away from our other responsibilities.

So despite feeling like I am boasting a lot on this blog and despite feeling self centric, self absorbed about writing about my good deeds, I have decided to finally go ahead with this and let my readers and my fellow human beings out there tell me what they think, they do and so on.

Besides these things I will also be blogging about my travel, my experiences and maybe post some pictures or videos I take as I move further with meeting strangers, doing good deeds and traveling cross country in America. I will be meeting various friends and family members in different parts of the country and might share some of their experiences, lifestyles and my interactions and learning from their perspectives and views.

I would be interested in keeping a tally of good deeds done and connections made. I am going to start with myself but if anyone is interested in pursuing this then you can write to me about it and we can some how start adding your connections and deeds to the count for this project as well.

My first few attempts at making connections and accomplishing my first good deed:

So here I was in the heart of New york city. The city was hustling with all kinds of people. Young teenagers who were fashion conscious, limitless billboards and advertisements, road side street food stalls that reminded me of the street food in my home country India, Smart Handsome looking professionals - Be it Men with spotless black shoes, Briefcases and ties swinging side to
side as they walk with a spring in their walk or be it professional dressed women in their skirts or work pants with their unique hair styles, branded purses wrapped around their shoulders, collared shirts, and high heels knocking on the street tock tock.

Off course this is just a glimpse of the diversity one gets to see in NYC. Its tourists mixed with artists mixed with street performers mixed with finance professionals mixed with filmakers with their cameras mixed with....I could go on and on. The Point is I was in the heart of NYC and it appeared as if it was going to be very easy to meet a lot of people and to make a lot of connections. But being an extrovert converted from a strong introvert by forcing myself in to uncomfortable situations, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. You see I know that I am a very interesting person who can hold a conversation with a stranger for hour and hours without either of us getting bored but it is the ice breaker that scares the sh** out of me. I think it has a lot
to do with my upbringing as a kid and a lot to do with the fact that I grew up in India where from an early age I was told to be skeptical about strangers (rightly so) and not trust them. I believe sometimes this is right. I don't blame my parents and guardians for that. They were being protective about me. But being an independent adult now and being able to take care of myself, sometimes I like to be Naive and innocent intentionally so that I don't have crazy thoughts running in my head and so that I can connect with a stranger without any fears
or qualms.

However, I was not feeling the same right now. I was so scared to approach a stranger and talk to them that I was even considering ending this project even before starting it. But I knew that this was a transient but justified thought.

Justified because often I have paid the price for trusting strangers every once in a while. Like 6 years ago when I first came to NYC, I was excited to see and meet anyone and everyone. A stranger came to me and started talking to me for a bit. When he left, I turned around and my laptop bag was missing. Then I turned around again and the stranger was missing.

So as much as I love to meet people, connect with them, I do get skeptical and scared while making that initial connection. But a few bad experiences in life should not stop you from experiencing a million good ones. So I definitely wanted to move further with this project but right now I did not have the balls to go up to anyone.

So instead I decided, maybe it will be easier to start with a good deed. All I need to do is help someone else. That sounds easy right? Yes but only in theory. Its easier said that done. I did not realize helping someone else for free would present numerous other sets of issues:

How do I find someone who needs to be helped?
Lets assume that I do find someone who needs to be helped, how do I approach them and offer my help when they aren't really asking to be helped?
Lets say if I even get the courage to offer my help, how do I offer it without making them feel bad about it or without feeling selfish that this act is going to make me feel better?

Anyways, these thoughts were making my first good deed harder and harder. Internally, I knew that the primary issue here was the same, I was scared to approach people and to break the ice. But I knew deep down inside that I have successfully overcome numerous fears in my past just like every human being has. We all have at some point overcome fears such as the fear of job interviews, debating things with our co workers or boss or professors, the fear of questioning someone elses point of view, fear of approaching a person from the opposite sex to ask them for their number or a date, fear while making love to someone for the sometime, shaving for the first time, loosing ones virginity and so on and on.

The list I guess is endless. It is not just for me. It is for every alive human being. I think reminding ourselves of our successes from the past and how we overcome our fear about something is the best way to prepare ourselves from overcoming some new fear. So deep down inside I knew I would be able to overcome this one as well. But I did not know how and when.

On my way taking a PATH train from Jersery city: Grove street to Christopher street, I saw my first candidate. Someone I could help. There was this middle aged women who attracted my attention as I heard her yell at a professional looking black male standing right next to her. The man had a sarcastic smile on his face as he stared at her. I wasn't sure what was going on. As I gazed from the man towards the woman, I observed her closely. She was probably in her mid 40's. She was smoking a cigarette on the PATH platform right next to a sign telling her not to smoke on platforms. She was yelling out loud and it appeared that she got mad at the man
for telling her she cannot smoke on the platform. She was also standing very close to the tracks, significantly ahead of the yellow line of caution. Any train coming in was going to hit her for sure.

She immediately reminded me of Charlize Theron's oscar winning character in "Monster".
I really did not know what I could do to help her. Part of me wanted to go and talk to her but I would be embarrassed when she yelled at me. Clearly she was not mentally stable but she was also asking people for money. I could have gone up to her and offered her money but I was not sure whether giving her money was the right thing to do here. I felt like most of the money she
spends would go towards buying cigarettes. I contemplated buying her food but I was afraid to step out of the platform with her partly because she was scary . I realized that I was being too much in my head. I was probably over thinking the situation but this was my first good deed attempt and I knew the first step is always the hardest. This certainly did not appear to a easy candidate for the first step.

I heard a train coming and at this point I just got worried that she might get hit but I was too far to do anything and I figured she will step back when it comes near. She looked at the train, The train approached her closer and closer. I could hear it approach from the back and very close. I expected the driver to blow a horn but he didn't. I expected the woman to back off but she didn't. As the train came really close, the wind blew her worn out dirty jacket and her unwashed hair went all over the place anoyying her further. The train brushed the front of the body. She got very angry and stepped back as the train came to a stop and numerous city commuters got off and on the train.

Moments later, My train came on the other side and So I had to get on. I realized I had missed out on my first possibility for a good deed. The train was over crowded with people so I looked for standing room by one of the doors and I stood there observing people and thinking about my good deed failure. A few minutes later, I heard some lound noises of coins bumping over each other in a jar. I turned around and it was the old lady back again. Blurting out words that nobody could understand, shouting loudly to attract everyone's attention. As she went by, some people said sorry, some gave her some money. I considered giving her money once again but I just could not for the same reason I outlined earlier.

A bunch of noisy kids got on the train. They were Boisterous. Under wear revealing loose pants, turned backward caps, weird hairstyles, very interesting belt choices, torn shoes. They looked at her. I felt like they were going to do something crazy because they were jumping around the train, hanging on the hand holding bars. I have to admit, I was being judgmental based on their attire and body language. Then the biggest kid out of these three, started walking towards the lady. I thoughts things were going to explode but instead all he did was removed some money from his jeans and gave it to the old lady. Huh! He surprised me. What a class act. Next time I will try not to be judgemental based on things I have seen in the past.

I wondered how easy it was to do that but decided not to do that because again I was so sure this woman would not use the money for the correct reasons. I decided if she gets off at the same stop as me then I will take her to a food place and buy her food but much to my disappointment she did not get off at the same stop as I did.

When I got off the train I felt like such a loser. I could not approach a stranger and say hi. I could not approach a needy person and help them out with buying them food or giving them money. But a cool breeze empathized with me and took all my negative thoughts away. As I walked, I removed my camera and started cliking pictures of the street signs, things around me to capture life around me.

Soon, In front of me was the hudson river park revealing clear skies, sunny weather, people sun bathing. The back drop of the new york skyline and statue of liberty in the distance was break taking. I had really made a spur of the moment decision to come to this place without knowing what it would be like coming down here so I wasn't really expecting this. I was amazed at the beauty of this park and the awesomeness of the day. Immediately, I took out my SLR digital camera. I definitely was going to spend hours taking pictures, writing stories, blogging at this park.

Offcourse, right then it happened. Life presented itself right when I didn't expect it. I spent last 2 hours trying to perform good deeds and making connections and had no success with it but now when I decide to immerse myself in art, photography and writing, the things I so much love and just do my own thing ignoring the connections and good deeds for now, right then the opportunity for making connections and doing good deeds presented itself on its own to me. It is as if I attracted it to me, it is as if the heaves opened up and I was being rewarded for my thought, or failed effort.

Anyways, whatever the reason it was, when the opportunity came, I grabbed it.
First connection happened after about 15-20 mins of photography. After a nice long chat with the first connection, the second connection happened. What was amazing is that both these people came up to me rather than me going up to them. What I was doing, attracted them to me to make a connection and sure once they broke the ice, I told them what I was doing and rest is history.

I started writing this at 7: 30 am this morning right out of bed without doing anything and had the first draft finished by 10:46am, October 6th. Then I started my day by getting out of bed, brushing, showering etc. I have been writing for the last hour and a half to finalize the draft for posting. Its 12:16pm and I could continue writing but I need to kick off my day by getting out of my friends house. So I will have to leave you all for now. I will write up the details about my first 2 connections and first good deed during my next writing session hopefully today. For now here is a short glimpse of what is to come:

MY FIRST CONNECTION: a friend from Belgium.

Place: Hudson River park, NYC

Ice breaker: Both of us were taking pictures of the statue of liberty which was far away in the distance. Our Belgium friend had forgotten his wide angle camera lens which I happened to have. He requested me to take a picture for him using my lens on his SD card.

Complete details about this connection: Soon to come once I find the time to type it all.

MY SECOND CONNECTION: A very interesting, little deaf gay man who I think was sad, lonely and who was interesting and had seen life wanted to either hire me to be his cheap caretaker or wanted to pursue a gay relationship with me or wanted to just have sex with me that night.

Disclaimer: I am all about human rights for gay people. My impressions about the second connection mentioned above and below were due to specific things that happened with this person during our conversation and the fact that he asked me out. I think the person was very interesting, had seen life and I enjoyed the conversation and the experience so please don't read too much into the description mentioned above until I post the entire experience.

Place: Hudson River park, NYC

Ice breaker: He saw me take pictures, got curious and interested and came up to me asking what I was doing and then we landed up talking for some time.

Complete details about this connection: Soon to come once I find the time to type it all.

First good deed: A charity donation to an awesome NYC street performing group at Battery park.

Facts about this road trip so far:

This is Day 5 of my travelling. It is October 6th, 2009.
Total Time spent writing/posting so far on this blog: 4.5 hours

Connections made: 2
Good deeds done: 1

And before I forget;
Happy Birthday DAD! Although you are miles miles away in Mumbai, India please do have a blast. Give my love to Mom and Sister Leena.