MY FIRST CONNECTION:
Place: Hudson River park, NYC
It is an awesome, sunny but a windy day in New york city. I walked into the Hudson River park with my SLR camera around my neck, a heavy back pack on my back and my camera bag hanging across my shoulder all the way down to my back. I had never been to this place during my numerous outings to NYC before and so I stood there spellbound by the beauty of this park and the day. I walked the deck to find an interesting spot to take pictures and to indulge in a long photography session. As I walked the boardwalk, I could see, people lying shirtless on the grass sun bathing, people sitting on benches with a book, A college student working on her laptop and whole bunch of people listening to their diverse music collection on their ipods. (Isn't it amazing how easily we just assume that its an ipod and not anything else. )
I arrived to the end of the boardwalk. It seemed like the best place to take pictures. The new york skyline, the park along with people and some portion of the boardwalk were to my right. The statue of liberty and a big cool looking bridge were visible in the distance and a series of navy piers stood adjacent to the other portion of the boardwalk to my left. I took multiple pictures continuously for at least 15 minutes before changing my position. I repeated the same exercise with a telephoto lens and normal lens at different focal lengths. After about 30 mins of photo session, I sat on a porch for another lens change when a young man wearing a bright red T shirt approached me. He seemed 20 something (my age group), had an SLR camera around his neck just like me and seemed very friendly.
He says in a heavy accent: " Excuse me"
As I said hello he requested whether I could take a picture of the statue of liberty for him on his camera card because he had forgotten his telephoto lens. I decided to take one for him. He removed his card and we realized that his card wouldn't work on my camera. I offered to take pictures and email them to him and as a result we started talking and connecting. After taking some pictures, we walked on the boardwalk back on towards our way out of it. I invited him to sit with me on a porch and chat. He agreed as we looked for a good spot.
Over a talk of 45 minutes, I learned a lot about him. He was originally from Belgium and loved traveling. His decision to visit America was a spur in the moment decision. His initial plan was to spend 10 days in Barcelona, Spain but some of his friends scared him from pursuing that trip and then he found a last minute cheap flight deal to the US so he decided to just come here. Professionally he worked for a finance firm in Belgium and was on a 10 day vacation before going back to work. He planned to spend most of his time in NYC and had arrived just the previous night. He was considering going to either Boston or Washington DC for 2-3 days besides being in NYC. He asked me on my recommendations in terms of DC or Boston.
Being a Bostonian for 6 years, I am clearly biased but I did my best to tell him what I liked about Boston / DC and what most people like to do in Boston and DC. I incorrectly told him that Boston was closer than DC from NYC but I learned about this later. Ooops! I offered to hang out with him in Boston if he visited while I am in Boston. We started talking a bit about traveling and what we like to do. He expressed that he usually likes to stay away from touristy places and likes to branch out in to other near by areas of the city. He removed an NYC map and start telling me as to where he started and where he was trying to go. He impressed me about how much he had already learned about the city just within a day. He expressed interest in checking out a Broadway show and told him about how to find good deals at the half ticket booth.
Later on we moved on to discuss our perspectives on America as international visitors from different countries and cultures. It was amazing for me to hear him mention a few things that he observed in a day which I had been observing for 6 years. For example: He mentioned how amazed he was with people around here being big consumers for everything. Be it the big cards, or serving orders at restaurants...everything in this country was about being big. People would commute alone in cars to work every day but would still like bigger and spacious cars. Most people would not finish a meal at a restaurant but yet the meals were served in such big proportions. We both agreed on this and this was something hard for us to see since we both came from countries where people preferred and liked small cars and where everything was preferred in small quantities. I mentioned how I found a lot of things wasteful in this country. Like for example, I could never ever understand as to why the showrooms, shops, restaurants and even offices left their power lights on all through out the night. Maybe they market and attract people going by but it just amazed me how much of power and energy wastage that is. What was amazing to me is that countries in the east were also adopting these things from the western world and that too in the day and age where strong movements are going on for recycling, saving energy and what not. I mean there are villages in poor countries that still do not get power and electricity for the entire duration of the day.
One of the other hot button topics for me is the amount of food that is wasted in this country. The country's food chain is dominated by numerous chains and restaurants that like to market the "We Serve Fresh" philosophy. It amazes me as to how much food they throw away in to the trash at the end of every day. Now, I know some of the good franchises that have realized this - are donating food to the needy and the homeless or to institutions that provide shelter to the homeless but still a majority of restaurants and fast food joints in this country trash the left over food at the end of the day and I can bet the quantity of food that is trashed will be able to easily feed some starving nation in this entirety.
After talking about a few impressions about America we went on to discuss our traveling adventures. He expressed a desire to do what I was doing and wished if he could quit his job to travel the world and to explore and self discover and enjoy this kind of lifestyle. I told him about my blogging and goal to meet new people and make new connections. We spoke about how staying in hostels is fun and he mentioned how he met a German woman at the NYC hostel he was staying and how cheap and fun hostels can be. He also expressed an interest in living in NYC for a few months at some point in his life.
He mentioned his girl friend plans to move to NYC at some point and he is hoping to come here with her as well. I was amazed to learn that his girl friend was actually not in Belgium nor with her here but was in an Asia. I forget the name of the country but he met her while traveling in Asia and they have been together since then. I could be wrong but i think he said for an year. I was amazed about how they make that work and raised my hats off to their dedication to a long distance relationship like that.
In between our conversation at some point we were interrupted by dogs barking and a girl shouting in a funny way. We both turned around to see a young looking girl with two big sized bull dogs. We weren't sure what she was doing with them because she was quite short and petite to manage two big dogs of that size. The dogs were completely bullying her. She was lying flat on a porch and every time she was trying to get up they would jump on her belly and body to push her flat back on the porch. We couldn't help but stop laughing. Eventually I thought of getting up and helping but later a giggle from her assured me that she was having fun with them so we decided to stay out of it and just got entertained by the event. I think I was quite sure that she did not own the dogs and was probably just hanging out with them as a temporary care taker or so. But this was clearly an assumption on my part and by no means a certainty.
Later on she stopped by to interrupt our conversation to ask us whether we knew the exact time. As I told her the time, I pet one of the dogs then she walked away and we continued our conversation. Eventually time caught up to us and he wanted to move to on to his next location. He was not sure as to where he was going to walk next, I on the other hand wasn't yet done with this location and wanted to take some more pictures before walking over to Greenwich village. we exchanged contacts and decided to stay in touch. We said good bye and walked away in opposite directions. This new friend from Belgium left a very strong first connection impression on me. He seemed friendly and cherished new experiences and I wished him all the fun and joy in life. Later on a few days later, I emailed him the pictures and let him know the days I was going to be in Boston, He thanked me for the pictures but was not sure when he would be in Boston. That was the last I conversed with him but he certainly will be remembered for ever in terms of my road trip and adventures.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Can giving money count as a good deed?
One question I always wondered within myself is: can giving money to someone count as a good deed or not. I have spoken to numerous people about it and my internal battle to find any answer to this question has been as all over the place as the responses I have gotten from numerous friends, family relatives and strangers to whom I have posed this question .
I guess where I stand is, each of its own and its up to ones own belief system. I have often gone back and forth with regards to giving money as a good deed. But the point is, some of us have time and can devote time to an activity such as volunteering at an organization for homeless or to teach poor kids or to serve a region or community. I think those are all great charity activities but then some of us are so busy and wrapped up in work, family or other commitments that we just do not have time to devote to such a activity. We just feel comfortable in helping out by donating food or clothes or money. We have all been in stages of life where we absolutely had no time.
During my younger early days as a student when I had time, I had a rather extreme view where donating money just didn't qualify as a good deed to me. But as i grew and learned I realized that as non materialistic as we all want to be, the truth of the matter is "money" is the mode and form of currency on which our world runs and some basic amenities that poor and needy people need are directly dependent on how much money they have and how they spend it. So over time, as i grew, I realized that donating money can also be a good way of helping out. However personally I am very picky when it comes to donating money because I want to be sure that the money is used well by the receiver of the funds. Often i prefer spending that money to buy something that benefit the receiver and giving them that item rather than giving them money to buy what they need. So for example buy them food or clothes or shoes rather than give them money.
Often times I have been approached by groups late in the night with a booklet in the middle of downtown Boston or times square requesting a donation for an organization. I get very cautious and pessimistic when it comes to donating to these groups because I am never sure who ultimately gets this money and how it is used. Similarly, often times when I run into people of the street asking for money, I am really cautious to give them a donation because I am not sure whether they will use the money for the reason they need it or waste it on some addiction. For example: Is the $5 i am giving them going to be used by them to get food or are they going to use it to buy a cigarette or alcohol or some form of addiction? To me not donating would be better served then donating money that get used to buy alcohol or cigarette or some thing on those lines.
The point is as a donor one can never be 100% sure as to how the money we are donating is being actually used. Hence I always consider and feel more satisfied when I can help out by devoting time to a helping activity or by donating things that are not directly money. So for example I like giving / buying food for needy people on the street or donating used clothes, shoes or household items to needy people or to charity organizations such as salvation army or a local good will store.
Having said all this, I do sometimes land up giving money to people. One area where I just cannot stop myself from donating is to independent artists, music performers, live bands etc on the streets. I often run into them in almost any city and when I like what they are performing and I like the environment they are creating for the people around them, I just cannot stop myself from donating money to them. I always land up wondering what they will actually do with that money. Will they use it to pursue their artistic endeavours further or not? Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. I cannot be 100% sure here either but I feel much more comfortable donating to street performers and artists mainly because I see that they are putting in an effort to pursue what they dream of.
I have always thought that "One cannot help someone who just cannot help themselves". So for me it is important to see an effort from a needy person to feel conformtable to helping them out.
My donations are usually in the order of $1 to $5 to street performers but I want to get comfortable with the idea of donating something beyond my comfort zone. I realized that donating anything more that $3 to a street performer makes me uncomfortable especially when they are selling CDs for $5 to $10. So since I am on a mission to do things that make me uncomfortable i decided that I will continue to make donations to street performers on this road trip till I am comfortable donating up to $20 to them without receiving anything in return from them: No Cd, no dvd, nothing. Except for a smile or a thank you. So far I have made numerous donations which I plan to blog about separately. I have so far become comfortable donating up to $5 which is already much better than my previou comfort zone of $5. It's also interesting to me to remind myself that the comfort factor for this was $1 to me like 3 years ago. The point is one can make oneself comfortable with anything by just doing it right away for enough number of times.
So after blogging my thoughts all over the place for more than an hour, My question to you fellow readers is;
Can giving money count as a good deed? What thoughts run through your mind when you donate money? What are your beliefs in terms of donations? What kind of good deeds do you prefer?
how much time and money from your life do you dedicate to good deeds?
I guess where I stand is, each of its own and its up to ones own belief system. I have often gone back and forth with regards to giving money as a good deed. But the point is, some of us have time and can devote time to an activity such as volunteering at an organization for homeless or to teach poor kids or to serve a region or community. I think those are all great charity activities but then some of us are so busy and wrapped up in work, family or other commitments that we just do not have time to devote to such a activity. We just feel comfortable in helping out by donating food or clothes or money. We have all been in stages of life where we absolutely had no time.
During my younger early days as a student when I had time, I had a rather extreme view where donating money just didn't qualify as a good deed to me. But as i grew and learned I realized that as non materialistic as we all want to be, the truth of the matter is "money" is the mode and form of currency on which our world runs and some basic amenities that poor and needy people need are directly dependent on how much money they have and how they spend it. So over time, as i grew, I realized that donating money can also be a good way of helping out. However personally I am very picky when it comes to donating money because I want to be sure that the money is used well by the receiver of the funds. Often i prefer spending that money to buy something that benefit the receiver and giving them that item rather than giving them money to buy what they need. So for example buy them food or clothes or shoes rather than give them money.
Often times I have been approached by groups late in the night with a booklet in the middle of downtown Boston or times square requesting a donation for an organization. I get very cautious and pessimistic when it comes to donating to these groups because I am never sure who ultimately gets this money and how it is used. Similarly, often times when I run into people of the street asking for money, I am really cautious to give them a donation because I am not sure whether they will use the money for the reason they need it or waste it on some addiction. For example: Is the $5 i am giving them going to be used by them to get food or are they going to use it to buy a cigarette or alcohol or some form of addiction? To me not donating would be better served then donating money that get used to buy alcohol or cigarette or some thing on those lines.
The point is as a donor one can never be 100% sure as to how the money we are donating is being actually used. Hence I always consider and feel more satisfied when I can help out by devoting time to a helping activity or by donating things that are not directly money. So for example I like giving / buying food for needy people on the street or donating used clothes, shoes or household items to needy people or to charity organizations such as salvation army or a local good will store.
Having said all this, I do sometimes land up giving money to people. One area where I just cannot stop myself from donating is to independent artists, music performers, live bands etc on the streets. I often run into them in almost any city and when I like what they are performing and I like the environment they are creating for the people around them, I just cannot stop myself from donating money to them. I always land up wondering what they will actually do with that money. Will they use it to pursue their artistic endeavours further or not? Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. I cannot be 100% sure here either but I feel much more comfortable donating to street performers and artists mainly because I see that they are putting in an effort to pursue what they dream of.
I have always thought that "One cannot help someone who just cannot help themselves". So for me it is important to see an effort from a needy person to feel conformtable to helping them out.
My donations are usually in the order of $1 to $5 to street performers but I want to get comfortable with the idea of donating something beyond my comfort zone. I realized that donating anything more that $3 to a street performer makes me uncomfortable especially when they are selling CDs for $5 to $10. So since I am on a mission to do things that make me uncomfortable i decided that I will continue to make donations to street performers on this road trip till I am comfortable donating up to $20 to them without receiving anything in return from them: No Cd, no dvd, nothing. Except for a smile or a thank you. So far I have made numerous donations which I plan to blog about separately. I have so far become comfortable donating up to $5 which is already much better than my previou comfort zone of $5. It's also interesting to me to remind myself that the comfort factor for this was $1 to me like 3 years ago. The point is one can make oneself comfortable with anything by just doing it right away for enough number of times.
So after blogging my thoughts all over the place for more than an hour, My question to you fellow readers is;
Can giving money count as a good deed? What thoughts run through your mind when you donate money? What are your beliefs in terms of donations? What kind of good deeds do you prefer?
how much time and money from your life do you dedicate to good deeds?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
THE HUMAN CONNECTION PROJECT: An Introduction
THE HUMAN CONNECTION PROJECT
Primary Goal: Meet 100 strangers and perform 100 good deeds over the course of next 3 months. Good deeds could be performed with strangers, alone or the people I know.
Secondary Goal: Maintain a blog and pursue travel writing about this project. Inspire and motivate other people to do the same. If interested give them the ability to blog, write and update me and others interested in this project through this blog or other blogs. Write about the lives of strangers or experiences meeting them and write about some anecdotes they reveal.
I plan to do this over a cross country road trip across America and so plan to also blog about my travel experiences.
Participants: Anyone who wants to. My name is Rohit Chokhani and I am planning to start this in New york city, early October, 2009.
Place: Anywhere, any time and by anyone. I personally plan to pursue this project at the numerous places I visit during my road trip from Boston to Vancouver. But anyone who is interested in this project can pursue it anytime, any place and any how.
Deadline for me: Jan 15, 2010
Deadline for others: You can perform as many good deeds as you want and meet as many strangers as you want over the period of your choice. Its your wish, will and dedication. But I suggest you pursue something that you consider is easy to achieve at first. For me, I am currently on a leave of absence for the next 3 months and hence have no job or other responsibilities besides writing, traveling, visiting family. So the thought of performing one good deed and meeting one stranger a day is very easy and possible to achieve. One can always do more than what you decide but it is important to pick a goal at first as something that is easy to achieve and then push the goals and limits as one makes progress and as one gets super excited about how easy it is.
Motivation: Promote goodness and get in the habit of doing good deeds. Get in the habit of meeting new people. Get over the awkwardness of breaking the ice with strangers.
Inspiration: Got motivated after reading the book 4hour work week and watching the movies Into the Wild and Julie and Julia.
Background: After 6 hard working years of school and then corporate America, I have decided to take some personal time off, a leave of absence from work for 3 months that I much deserve. I still feel successful, passionate about my work but I feel a bit burned out and need some time on my own to connect with people, spend some time in nothingness and spend sometime with my family and loved ones. A so called mini retirement to connect with myself, my family, my friends and people that I do not know. I do plan to return back to work sometime in Jan, 2010.
I believe that whatever you pursue or want to achieve, it has to start with yourself first. And it all starts with a thought and positive reinforcing dedication which can make it happen. I plan to blog whenever I can. Considering that I am traveling, I probably won't be able to post every day but my goal is to write every day and then post at least every week about my progress. I am carrying a voice recorder, digital SLR Camera, a video camera, a laptop and a point and shoot camera with me. Wherever I go I am recording the things I did during the day. Most of this is like a travel journal about my road trip but I plan to write about the good deeds I pursue and the strangers I meet as well intermixed with my thought process and some experiences from my past that my current experiences relate to.
Things to be aware off:
Always maintain the privacy of the strangers you meet. So let them know about the project and respect their choice. If you are writing about someone who you did not get to seek permission then fake their name and identity for security reasons. Never ever reveal their true names, identity or anything else they prefer. Write, talk and blog about good deeds in a way to inspire and motivate others and never brag about it. Write about it as an experience to promote it.
Is there anything such as a selfless deed or unmotivated connection?
I don't know but I am going with it and taking it where the flow takes me.
When I thought about starting this personal project, one immediate thought that came to my mind is the following: If the good deed one makes isn't anonymous and once we start talking about it, it feels like we are bragging about it and then all of sudden we start feeling as if we are boasting or are doing it to feel good about ourselves and all of sudden we start feeling selfish. I often feel the same and would be interested in knowing as to how others feel about this. Please do write to me about this and express your thoughts.
But after some deep thoughts I told myself: Sure, doing a good deed makes me feel good about myself but the point is: it also makes others feel good, it also builds warmth between two or more human beings, it also initiates a new connection between our fellow living beings and so it would be wrong to stop doing good things just because I feel selfish about the same. One needs to feel happy to make others happy, one needs to have high energy to energize others and one needs to be positive before making others be positive. It really does has to start with you before moving on to others.
I can do my 100 good deeds for the next 3 months annonymously and sit quite about it. Sure 100 connections will be made, sure 100 good deeds will be done and sure I will feel that I am doing whatever I can to make this world a better place or just to feel good about myself. But if on the other hand, If I blog, If I write about it and if even one person other than me takes up this effort then within the same 3 months, 200 connections would be made, 200 good deeds will be done. There is only a little each of us can do and we are limited by maybe time, responsibilities and often times money but if there is a way for us to inspire and motivate huge number of people to do good things for this world then the world will hopefully be a better place. Even if some of these people land up doing things to feel good they will impact a whole bunch of people that surround them. And with the world of internet at our disposal and numerous other tools the information age has to offer, we can inspire and motivate people to do things at the tip of our fingers without investing too much time, money and without shying away from our other responsibilities.
So despite feeling like I am boasting a lot on this blog and despite feeling self centric, self absorbed about writing about my good deeds, I have decided to finally go ahead with this and let my readers and my fellow human beings out there tell me what they think, they do and so on.
Besides these things I will also be blogging about my travel, my experiences and maybe post some pictures or videos I take as I move further with meeting strangers, doing good deeds and traveling cross country in America. I will be meeting various friends and family members in different parts of the country and might share some of their experiences, lifestyles and my interactions and learning from their perspectives and views.
I would be interested in keeping a tally of good deeds done and connections made. I am going to start with myself but if anyone is interested in pursuing this then you can write to me about it and we can some how start adding your connections and deeds to the count for this project as well.
My first few attempts at making connections and accomplishing my first good deed:
So here I was in the heart of New york city. The city was hustling with all kinds of people. Young teenagers who were fashion conscious, limitless billboards and advertisements, road side street food stalls that reminded me of the street food in my home country India, Smart Handsome looking professionals - Be it Men with spotless black shoes, Briefcases and ties swinging side to
side as they walk with a spring in their walk or be it professional dressed women in their skirts or work pants with their unique hair styles, branded purses wrapped around their shoulders, collared shirts, and high heels knocking on the street tock tock.
Off course this is just a glimpse of the diversity one gets to see in NYC. Its tourists mixed with artists mixed with street performers mixed with finance professionals mixed with filmakers with their cameras mixed with....I could go on and on. The Point is I was in the heart of NYC and it appeared as if it was going to be very easy to meet a lot of people and to make a lot of connections. But being an extrovert converted from a strong introvert by forcing myself in to uncomfortable situations, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. You see I know that I am a very interesting person who can hold a conversation with a stranger for hour and hours without either of us getting bored but it is the ice breaker that scares the sh** out of me. I think it has a lot
to do with my upbringing as a kid and a lot to do with the fact that I grew up in India where from an early age I was told to be skeptical about strangers (rightly so) and not trust them. I believe sometimes this is right. I don't blame my parents and guardians for that. They were being protective about me. But being an independent adult now and being able to take care of myself, sometimes I like to be Naive and innocent intentionally so that I don't have crazy thoughts running in my head and so that I can connect with a stranger without any fears
or qualms.
However, I was not feeling the same right now. I was so scared to approach a stranger and talk to them that I was even considering ending this project even before starting it. But I knew that this was a transient but justified thought.
Justified because often I have paid the price for trusting strangers every once in a while. Like 6 years ago when I first came to NYC, I was excited to see and meet anyone and everyone. A stranger came to me and started talking to me for a bit. When he left, I turned around and my laptop bag was missing. Then I turned around again and the stranger was missing.
So as much as I love to meet people, connect with them, I do get skeptical and scared while making that initial connection. But a few bad experiences in life should not stop you from experiencing a million good ones. So I definitely wanted to move further with this project but right now I did not have the balls to go up to anyone.
So instead I decided, maybe it will be easier to start with a good deed. All I need to do is help someone else. That sounds easy right? Yes but only in theory. Its easier said that done. I did not realize helping someone else for free would present numerous other sets of issues:
How do I find someone who needs to be helped?
Lets assume that I do find someone who needs to be helped, how do I approach them and offer my help when they aren't really asking to be helped?
Lets say if I even get the courage to offer my help, how do I offer it without making them feel bad about it or without feeling selfish that this act is going to make me feel better?
Anyways, these thoughts were making my first good deed harder and harder. Internally, I knew that the primary issue here was the same, I was scared to approach people and to break the ice. But I knew deep down inside that I have successfully overcome numerous fears in my past just like every human being has. We all have at some point overcome fears such as the fear of job interviews, debating things with our co workers or boss or professors, the fear of questioning someone elses point of view, fear of approaching a person from the opposite sex to ask them for their number or a date, fear while making love to someone for the sometime, shaving for the first time, loosing ones virginity and so on and on.
The list I guess is endless. It is not just for me. It is for every alive human being. I think reminding ourselves of our successes from the past and how we overcome our fear about something is the best way to prepare ourselves from overcoming some new fear. So deep down inside I knew I would be able to overcome this one as well. But I did not know how and when.
On my way taking a PATH train from Jersery city: Grove street to Christopher street, I saw my first candidate. Someone I could help. There was this middle aged women who attracted my attention as I heard her yell at a professional looking black male standing right next to her. The man had a sarcastic smile on his face as he stared at her. I wasn't sure what was going on. As I gazed from the man towards the woman, I observed her closely. She was probably in her mid 40's. She was smoking a cigarette on the PATH platform right next to a sign telling her not to smoke on platforms. She was yelling out loud and it appeared that she got mad at the man
for telling her she cannot smoke on the platform. She was also standing very close to the tracks, significantly ahead of the yellow line of caution. Any train coming in was going to hit her for sure.
She immediately reminded me of Charlize Theron's oscar winning character in "Monster".
I really did not know what I could do to help her. Part of me wanted to go and talk to her but I would be embarrassed when she yelled at me. Clearly she was not mentally stable but she was also asking people for money. I could have gone up to her and offered her money but I was not sure whether giving her money was the right thing to do here. I felt like most of the money she
spends would go towards buying cigarettes. I contemplated buying her food but I was afraid to step out of the platform with her partly because she was scary . I realized that I was being too much in my head. I was probably over thinking the situation but this was my first good deed attempt and I knew the first step is always the hardest. This certainly did not appear to a easy candidate for the first step.
I heard a train coming and at this point I just got worried that she might get hit but I was too far to do anything and I figured she will step back when it comes near. She looked at the train, The train approached her closer and closer. I could hear it approach from the back and very close. I expected the driver to blow a horn but he didn't. I expected the woman to back off but she didn't. As the train came really close, the wind blew her worn out dirty jacket and her unwashed hair went all over the place anoyying her further. The train brushed the front of the body. She got very angry and stepped back as the train came to a stop and numerous city commuters got off and on the train.
Moments later, My train came on the other side and So I had to get on. I realized I had missed out on my first possibility for a good deed. The train was over crowded with people so I looked for standing room by one of the doors and I stood there observing people and thinking about my good deed failure. A few minutes later, I heard some lound noises of coins bumping over each other in a jar. I turned around and it was the old lady back again. Blurting out words that nobody could understand, shouting loudly to attract everyone's attention. As she went by, some people said sorry, some gave her some money. I considered giving her money once again but I just could not for the same reason I outlined earlier.
A bunch of noisy kids got on the train. They were Boisterous. Under wear revealing loose pants, turned backward caps, weird hairstyles, very interesting belt choices, torn shoes. They looked at her. I felt like they were going to do something crazy because they were jumping around the train, hanging on the hand holding bars. I have to admit, I was being judgmental based on their attire and body language. Then the biggest kid out of these three, started walking towards the lady. I thoughts things were going to explode but instead all he did was removed some money from his jeans and gave it to the old lady. Huh! He surprised me. What a class act. Next time I will try not to be judgemental based on things I have seen in the past.
I wondered how easy it was to do that but decided not to do that because again I was so sure this woman would not use the money for the correct reasons. I decided if she gets off at the same stop as me then I will take her to a food place and buy her food but much to my disappointment she did not get off at the same stop as I did.
When I got off the train I felt like such a loser. I could not approach a stranger and say hi. I could not approach a needy person and help them out with buying them food or giving them money. But a cool breeze empathized with me and took all my negative thoughts away. As I walked, I removed my camera and started cliking pictures of the street signs, things around me to capture life around me.
Soon, In front of me was the hudson river park revealing clear skies, sunny weather, people sun bathing. The back drop of the new york skyline and statue of liberty in the distance was break taking. I had really made a spur of the moment decision to come to this place without knowing what it would be like coming down here so I wasn't really expecting this. I was amazed at the beauty of this park and the awesomeness of the day. Immediately, I took out my SLR digital camera. I definitely was going to spend hours taking pictures, writing stories, blogging at this park.
Offcourse, right then it happened. Life presented itself right when I didn't expect it. I spent last 2 hours trying to perform good deeds and making connections and had no success with it but now when I decide to immerse myself in art, photography and writing, the things I so much love and just do my own thing ignoring the connections and good deeds for now, right then the opportunity for making connections and doing good deeds presented itself on its own to me. It is as if I attracted it to me, it is as if the heaves opened up and I was being rewarded for my thought, or failed effort.
Anyways, whatever the reason it was, when the opportunity came, I grabbed it.
First connection happened after about 15-20 mins of photography. After a nice long chat with the first connection, the second connection happened. What was amazing is that both these people came up to me rather than me going up to them. What I was doing, attracted them to me to make a connection and sure once they broke the ice, I told them what I was doing and rest is history.
I started writing this at 7: 30 am this morning right out of bed without doing anything and had the first draft finished by 10:46am, October 6th. Then I started my day by getting out of bed, brushing, showering etc. I have been writing for the last hour and a half to finalize the draft for posting. Its 12:16pm and I could continue writing but I need to kick off my day by getting out of my friends house. So I will have to leave you all for now. I will write up the details about my first 2 connections and first good deed during my next writing session hopefully today. For now here is a short glimpse of what is to come:
MY FIRST CONNECTION: a friend from Belgium.
Place: Hudson River park, NYC
Ice breaker: Both of us were taking pictures of the statue of liberty which was far away in the distance. Our Belgium friend had forgotten his wide angle camera lens which I happened to have. He requested me to take a picture for him using my lens on his SD card.
Complete details about this connection: Soon to come once I find the time to type it all.
MY SECOND CONNECTION: A very interesting, little deaf gay man who I think was sad, lonely and who was interesting and had seen life wanted to either hire me to be his cheap caretaker or wanted to pursue a gay relationship with me or wanted to just have sex with me that night.
Disclaimer: I am all about human rights for gay people. My impressions about the second connection mentioned above and below were due to specific things that happened with this person during our conversation and the fact that he asked me out. I think the person was very interesting, had seen life and I enjoyed the conversation and the experience so please don't read too much into the description mentioned above until I post the entire experience.
Place: Hudson River park, NYC
Ice breaker: He saw me take pictures, got curious and interested and came up to me asking what I was doing and then we landed up talking for some time.
Complete details about this connection: Soon to come once I find the time to type it all.
First good deed: A charity donation to an awesome NYC street performing group at Battery park.
Facts about this road trip so far:
This is Day 5 of my travelling. It is October 6th, 2009.
Total Time spent writing/posting so far on this blog: 4.5 hours
Connections made: 2
Good deeds done: 1
And before I forget;
Happy Birthday DAD! Although you are miles miles away in Mumbai, India please do have a blast. Give my love to Mom and Sister Leena.
Primary Goal: Meet 100 strangers and perform 100 good deeds over the course of next 3 months. Good deeds could be performed with strangers, alone or the people I know.
Secondary Goal: Maintain a blog and pursue travel writing about this project. Inspire and motivate other people to do the same. If interested give them the ability to blog, write and update me and others interested in this project through this blog or other blogs. Write about the lives of strangers or experiences meeting them and write about some anecdotes they reveal.
I plan to do this over a cross country road trip across America and so plan to also blog about my travel experiences.
Participants: Anyone who wants to. My name is Rohit Chokhani and I am planning to start this in New york city, early October, 2009.
Place: Anywhere, any time and by anyone. I personally plan to pursue this project at the numerous places I visit during my road trip from Boston to Vancouver. But anyone who is interested in this project can pursue it anytime, any place and any how.
Deadline for me: Jan 15, 2010
Deadline for others: You can perform as many good deeds as you want and meet as many strangers as you want over the period of your choice. Its your wish, will and dedication. But I suggest you pursue something that you consider is easy to achieve at first. For me, I am currently on a leave of absence for the next 3 months and hence have no job or other responsibilities besides writing, traveling, visiting family. So the thought of performing one good deed and meeting one stranger a day is very easy and possible to achieve. One can always do more than what you decide but it is important to pick a goal at first as something that is easy to achieve and then push the goals and limits as one makes progress and as one gets super excited about how easy it is.
Motivation: Promote goodness and get in the habit of doing good deeds. Get in the habit of meeting new people. Get over the awkwardness of breaking the ice with strangers.
Inspiration: Got motivated after reading the book 4hour work week and watching the movies Into the Wild and Julie and Julia.
Background: After 6 hard working years of school and then corporate America, I have decided to take some personal time off, a leave of absence from work for 3 months that I much deserve. I still feel successful, passionate about my work but I feel a bit burned out and need some time on my own to connect with people, spend some time in nothingness and spend sometime with my family and loved ones. A so called mini retirement to connect with myself, my family, my friends and people that I do not know. I do plan to return back to work sometime in Jan, 2010.
I believe that whatever you pursue or want to achieve, it has to start with yourself first. And it all starts with a thought and positive reinforcing dedication which can make it happen. I plan to blog whenever I can. Considering that I am traveling, I probably won't be able to post every day but my goal is to write every day and then post at least every week about my progress. I am carrying a voice recorder, digital SLR Camera, a video camera, a laptop and a point and shoot camera with me. Wherever I go I am recording the things I did during the day. Most of this is like a travel journal about my road trip but I plan to write about the good deeds I pursue and the strangers I meet as well intermixed with my thought process and some experiences from my past that my current experiences relate to.
Things to be aware off:
Always maintain the privacy of the strangers you meet. So let them know about the project and respect their choice. If you are writing about someone who you did not get to seek permission then fake their name and identity for security reasons. Never ever reveal their true names, identity or anything else they prefer. Write, talk and blog about good deeds in a way to inspire and motivate others and never brag about it. Write about it as an experience to promote it.
Is there anything such as a selfless deed or unmotivated connection?
I don't know but I am going with it and taking it where the flow takes me.
When I thought about starting this personal project, one immediate thought that came to my mind is the following: If the good deed one makes isn't anonymous and once we start talking about it, it feels like we are bragging about it and then all of sudden we start feeling as if we are boasting or are doing it to feel good about ourselves and all of sudden we start feeling selfish. I often feel the same and would be interested in knowing as to how others feel about this. Please do write to me about this and express your thoughts.
But after some deep thoughts I told myself: Sure, doing a good deed makes me feel good about myself but the point is: it also makes others feel good, it also builds warmth between two or more human beings, it also initiates a new connection between our fellow living beings and so it would be wrong to stop doing good things just because I feel selfish about the same. One needs to feel happy to make others happy, one needs to have high energy to energize others and one needs to be positive before making others be positive. It really does has to start with you before moving on to others.
I can do my 100 good deeds for the next 3 months annonymously and sit quite about it. Sure 100 connections will be made, sure 100 good deeds will be done and sure I will feel that I am doing whatever I can to make this world a better place or just to feel good about myself. But if on the other hand, If I blog, If I write about it and if even one person other than me takes up this effort then within the same 3 months, 200 connections would be made, 200 good deeds will be done. There is only a little each of us can do and we are limited by maybe time, responsibilities and often times money but if there is a way for us to inspire and motivate huge number of people to do good things for this world then the world will hopefully be a better place. Even if some of these people land up doing things to feel good they will impact a whole bunch of people that surround them. And with the world of internet at our disposal and numerous other tools the information age has to offer, we can inspire and motivate people to do things at the tip of our fingers without investing too much time, money and without shying away from our other responsibilities.
So despite feeling like I am boasting a lot on this blog and despite feeling self centric, self absorbed about writing about my good deeds, I have decided to finally go ahead with this and let my readers and my fellow human beings out there tell me what they think, they do and so on.
Besides these things I will also be blogging about my travel, my experiences and maybe post some pictures or videos I take as I move further with meeting strangers, doing good deeds and traveling cross country in America. I will be meeting various friends and family members in different parts of the country and might share some of their experiences, lifestyles and my interactions and learning from their perspectives and views.
I would be interested in keeping a tally of good deeds done and connections made. I am going to start with myself but if anyone is interested in pursuing this then you can write to me about it and we can some how start adding your connections and deeds to the count for this project as well.
My first few attempts at making connections and accomplishing my first good deed:
So here I was in the heart of New york city. The city was hustling with all kinds of people. Young teenagers who were fashion conscious, limitless billboards and advertisements, road side street food stalls that reminded me of the street food in my home country India, Smart Handsome looking professionals - Be it Men with spotless black shoes, Briefcases and ties swinging side to
side as they walk with a spring in their walk or be it professional dressed women in their skirts or work pants with their unique hair styles, branded purses wrapped around their shoulders, collared shirts, and high heels knocking on the street tock tock.
Off course this is just a glimpse of the diversity one gets to see in NYC. Its tourists mixed with artists mixed with street performers mixed with finance professionals mixed with filmakers with their cameras mixed with....I could go on and on. The Point is I was in the heart of NYC and it appeared as if it was going to be very easy to meet a lot of people and to make a lot of connections. But being an extrovert converted from a strong introvert by forcing myself in to uncomfortable situations, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. You see I know that I am a very interesting person who can hold a conversation with a stranger for hour and hours without either of us getting bored but it is the ice breaker that scares the sh** out of me. I think it has a lot
to do with my upbringing as a kid and a lot to do with the fact that I grew up in India where from an early age I was told to be skeptical about strangers (rightly so) and not trust them. I believe sometimes this is right. I don't blame my parents and guardians for that. They were being protective about me. But being an independent adult now and being able to take care of myself, sometimes I like to be Naive and innocent intentionally so that I don't have crazy thoughts running in my head and so that I can connect with a stranger without any fears
or qualms.
However, I was not feeling the same right now. I was so scared to approach a stranger and talk to them that I was even considering ending this project even before starting it. But I knew that this was a transient but justified thought.
Justified because often I have paid the price for trusting strangers every once in a while. Like 6 years ago when I first came to NYC, I was excited to see and meet anyone and everyone. A stranger came to me and started talking to me for a bit. When he left, I turned around and my laptop bag was missing. Then I turned around again and the stranger was missing.
So as much as I love to meet people, connect with them, I do get skeptical and scared while making that initial connection. But a few bad experiences in life should not stop you from experiencing a million good ones. So I definitely wanted to move further with this project but right now I did not have the balls to go up to anyone.
So instead I decided, maybe it will be easier to start with a good deed. All I need to do is help someone else. That sounds easy right? Yes but only in theory. Its easier said that done. I did not realize helping someone else for free would present numerous other sets of issues:
How do I find someone who needs to be helped?
Lets assume that I do find someone who needs to be helped, how do I approach them and offer my help when they aren't really asking to be helped?
Lets say if I even get the courage to offer my help, how do I offer it without making them feel bad about it or without feeling selfish that this act is going to make me feel better?
Anyways, these thoughts were making my first good deed harder and harder. Internally, I knew that the primary issue here was the same, I was scared to approach people and to break the ice. But I knew deep down inside that I have successfully overcome numerous fears in my past just like every human being has. We all have at some point overcome fears such as the fear of job interviews, debating things with our co workers or boss or professors, the fear of questioning someone elses point of view, fear of approaching a person from the opposite sex to ask them for their number or a date, fear while making love to someone for the sometime, shaving for the first time, loosing ones virginity and so on and on.
The list I guess is endless. It is not just for me. It is for every alive human being. I think reminding ourselves of our successes from the past and how we overcome our fear about something is the best way to prepare ourselves from overcoming some new fear. So deep down inside I knew I would be able to overcome this one as well. But I did not know how and when.
On my way taking a PATH train from Jersery city: Grove street to Christopher street, I saw my first candidate. Someone I could help. There was this middle aged women who attracted my attention as I heard her yell at a professional looking black male standing right next to her. The man had a sarcastic smile on his face as he stared at her. I wasn't sure what was going on. As I gazed from the man towards the woman, I observed her closely. She was probably in her mid 40's. She was smoking a cigarette on the PATH platform right next to a sign telling her not to smoke on platforms. She was yelling out loud and it appeared that she got mad at the man
for telling her she cannot smoke on the platform. She was also standing very close to the tracks, significantly ahead of the yellow line of caution. Any train coming in was going to hit her for sure.
She immediately reminded me of Charlize Theron's oscar winning character in "Monster".
I really did not know what I could do to help her. Part of me wanted to go and talk to her but I would be embarrassed when she yelled at me. Clearly she was not mentally stable but she was also asking people for money. I could have gone up to her and offered her money but I was not sure whether giving her money was the right thing to do here. I felt like most of the money she
spends would go towards buying cigarettes. I contemplated buying her food but I was afraid to step out of the platform with her partly because she was scary . I realized that I was being too much in my head. I was probably over thinking the situation but this was my first good deed attempt and I knew the first step is always the hardest. This certainly did not appear to a easy candidate for the first step.
I heard a train coming and at this point I just got worried that she might get hit but I was too far to do anything and I figured she will step back when it comes near. She looked at the train, The train approached her closer and closer. I could hear it approach from the back and very close. I expected the driver to blow a horn but he didn't. I expected the woman to back off but she didn't. As the train came really close, the wind blew her worn out dirty jacket and her unwashed hair went all over the place anoyying her further. The train brushed the front of the body. She got very angry and stepped back as the train came to a stop and numerous city commuters got off and on the train.
Moments later, My train came on the other side and So I had to get on. I realized I had missed out on my first possibility for a good deed. The train was over crowded with people so I looked for standing room by one of the doors and I stood there observing people and thinking about my good deed failure. A few minutes later, I heard some lound noises of coins bumping over each other in a jar. I turned around and it was the old lady back again. Blurting out words that nobody could understand, shouting loudly to attract everyone's attention. As she went by, some people said sorry, some gave her some money. I considered giving her money once again but I just could not for the same reason I outlined earlier.
A bunch of noisy kids got on the train. They were Boisterous. Under wear revealing loose pants, turned backward caps, weird hairstyles, very interesting belt choices, torn shoes. They looked at her. I felt like they were going to do something crazy because they were jumping around the train, hanging on the hand holding bars. I have to admit, I was being judgmental based on their attire and body language. Then the biggest kid out of these three, started walking towards the lady. I thoughts things were going to explode but instead all he did was removed some money from his jeans and gave it to the old lady. Huh! He surprised me. What a class act. Next time I will try not to be judgemental based on things I have seen in the past.
I wondered how easy it was to do that but decided not to do that because again I was so sure this woman would not use the money for the correct reasons. I decided if she gets off at the same stop as me then I will take her to a food place and buy her food but much to my disappointment she did not get off at the same stop as I did.
When I got off the train I felt like such a loser. I could not approach a stranger and say hi. I could not approach a needy person and help them out with buying them food or giving them money. But a cool breeze empathized with me and took all my negative thoughts away. As I walked, I removed my camera and started cliking pictures of the street signs, things around me to capture life around me.
Soon, In front of me was the hudson river park revealing clear skies, sunny weather, people sun bathing. The back drop of the new york skyline and statue of liberty in the distance was break taking. I had really made a spur of the moment decision to come to this place without knowing what it would be like coming down here so I wasn't really expecting this. I was amazed at the beauty of this park and the awesomeness of the day. Immediately, I took out my SLR digital camera. I definitely was going to spend hours taking pictures, writing stories, blogging at this park.
Offcourse, right then it happened. Life presented itself right when I didn't expect it. I spent last 2 hours trying to perform good deeds and making connections and had no success with it but now when I decide to immerse myself in art, photography and writing, the things I so much love and just do my own thing ignoring the connections and good deeds for now, right then the opportunity for making connections and doing good deeds presented itself on its own to me. It is as if I attracted it to me, it is as if the heaves opened up and I was being rewarded for my thought, or failed effort.
Anyways, whatever the reason it was, when the opportunity came, I grabbed it.
First connection happened after about 15-20 mins of photography. After a nice long chat with the first connection, the second connection happened. What was amazing is that both these people came up to me rather than me going up to them. What I was doing, attracted them to me to make a connection and sure once they broke the ice, I told them what I was doing and rest is history.
I started writing this at 7: 30 am this morning right out of bed without doing anything and had the first draft finished by 10:46am, October 6th. Then I started my day by getting out of bed, brushing, showering etc. I have been writing for the last hour and a half to finalize the draft for posting. Its 12:16pm and I could continue writing but I need to kick off my day by getting out of my friends house. So I will have to leave you all for now. I will write up the details about my first 2 connections and first good deed during my next writing session hopefully today. For now here is a short glimpse of what is to come:
MY FIRST CONNECTION: a friend from Belgium.
Place: Hudson River park, NYC
Ice breaker: Both of us were taking pictures of the statue of liberty which was far away in the distance. Our Belgium friend had forgotten his wide angle camera lens which I happened to have. He requested me to take a picture for him using my lens on his SD card.
Complete details about this connection: Soon to come once I find the time to type it all.
MY SECOND CONNECTION: A very interesting, little deaf gay man who I think was sad, lonely and who was interesting and had seen life wanted to either hire me to be his cheap caretaker or wanted to pursue a gay relationship with me or wanted to just have sex with me that night.
Disclaimer: I am all about human rights for gay people. My impressions about the second connection mentioned above and below were due to specific things that happened with this person during our conversation and the fact that he asked me out. I think the person was very interesting, had seen life and I enjoyed the conversation and the experience so please don't read too much into the description mentioned above until I post the entire experience.
Place: Hudson River park, NYC
Ice breaker: He saw me take pictures, got curious and interested and came up to me asking what I was doing and then we landed up talking for some time.
Complete details about this connection: Soon to come once I find the time to type it all.
First good deed: A charity donation to an awesome NYC street performing group at Battery park.
Facts about this road trip so far:
This is Day 5 of my travelling. It is October 6th, 2009.
Total Time spent writing/posting so far on this blog: 4.5 hours
Connections made: 2
Good deeds done: 1
And before I forget;
Happy Birthday DAD! Although you are miles miles away in Mumbai, India please do have a blast. Give my love to Mom and Sister Leena.
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